New Diagnosis

A little back track for those who don’t know…..

Scott and I tried getting pregnant for 1 year. 1 year in, I got pregnant and miscarried. That was one of the hardest things I’ve experienced! A trial that anybody who has gone through can understand the hurt. We started fertility treatments including medications & multiple IUI’s with no success. I then 1 year later got pregnant with Miss Bailey. At 32 weeks, I found out our little girl would be born with a Cleft Lip. An unexpected trial for sure. This has allowed us to love Bailey’s two different smiles, her Wide smile to her permanent smile. Though more surgery’s are to come, it is a trial we can get through!

After fertility treatments go get pregnant with our little Sadie, we finally were going to have another little girl! I had a terrible pregnancy. Major pains almost the entire time. Most of the time I couldn’t even move. It was extremely difficult. I went into uncontrollable labor, was abrupting and rupturing, so Sadie was delivered emergency C-Section at 31 weeks. After living in the NICU with many difficulties as a preemie, this little miracle came home. A month after coming home, Sadie started having what is called Acute Life Threatening Events. She would stop breathing to the point of turning blue needing help to start breathing again. She was admitted to the hospital. While doing an ultrasound on her esophagus, by pure accident (we call it by a miracle), we spotted tumors on her Liver. She was then sent to Primary Children’s Hospital to have them looked at. Biopsies were performed and were sent all over the country for diagnosis. She had an extremely rare form of Liver Cancer. 3% of young children have liver cancer & of that 3% only about 5% have what Sadie did. Again, another miracle, after many appointments, tons of lab work, scans over and over, being put under anesthesia multiple times… 1 year later, the tumors were gone, leaving just scars on her Liver. The stress our family went through was definitely not enjoyable, but miracle after miracle, our faith grew stronger.

We then had issues with Sadie getting a not so fun Diagnosis of C.Difficile for approx 7 months. Let’s just say, we flew through diapers, rash cream, medications and outfits. Definitely not fun for anybody! Right after that went away, Sadie started having vomiting episodes. She would vomit (not just spit up) 12+ times a day with no known cause. After lab work, scans, & biopsies (upper endoscopy), nothing was discovered except that she had gastritis (a red and inflamed stomach). Can I just tell you how frustrating that is to not be able to help your child? She would also choke almost constantly. I never dared leave her in the care of others due to fear of them not knowing how to help her when she was choking. There was debate on whether or not to remove her tonsils due to inflammation from all the constant vomiting. It was decided to leave them for now.

The vomiting slowed, and Sadie started to develop constant diarrhea (I know, TMI) again. When I say constant diarrhea i mean 7+ diapers a day of pure mess. Everybody thought she had C.Difficile again, but all lab work came back negative for any bacterial or viral infections. After months of this diarrhea she started to grow a skin tag on her bum. Between everything going on, we knew something was going on. That’s just not normal. She then went in for more testing, lab work, scans and now more biopsies (upper & lower endoscopy – a colonoscopy). Through those procedures we learned the redness and inflammation was getting worse and spreading from stomach to colon.

A week later, biopsy results came back. Our little Sadie has been diagnosed with what is called Eosinophilic Colitis. Now this is EXTREMELY rare. What this means: Sadie has a lifelong disease that will never go away. It is NOT CURABLE. It is however symptomatic treatable. This is not going to be easy for her or us as parents. But through faith and -amazing medical care, we can endure to the end! There is quite a bit of fear with this that she is also getting Chron’s Disease, which is not the easiest lifelong disease to deal with. Her Gastroenterologist has said, “if and when it comes, it comes, there is no stopping it.” For now, we are trying not to stress or think about the Chron’s, we are trying to help her with what is going on NOW. Living in the moment. Trying to make the best of our every day struggles. It’s not easy, I’ll tell you that much. We are having to make life changes for this little girl & she will most likely he started on steroids soon to try to help keep everything under control. She is a little miracle and blessing, even though she is constantly crying, fussing and grouchy, due to (most likely) pain. We haven’t quite figured that much out yet.

Now, I know this is getting long, but little Miss Bailey has some difficulties going on as well through all of this. Her sister has been getting a LOT of attention between all these doctor/hospital visits and struggles at times. The sweet girl is trying to hold strong as well. A little more about Bailey that I don’t actually tell a lot of people. Bailey has quite a few diagnosis herself. She has been diagnosed with Severe ADHD, Severe ODD (oppositional defiant disorder), generalized anxiety, “possible” depression, sensory disorders & more. Now this, is a struggle. Being honest here, a child with mental health struggles is very difficult to keep happy & take care of. She has tested limits many times & takes a LOT of energy. Even with medications and precious therapy, this precious girl still has a long ways to go. The struggles are real, and it is extremely hard to find others who know exactly what you’re going through. But once you find somebody who knows and understands, you cling to them for all the help you can get. These are not easy diagnosis at all, but we are grateful to know why she is the way she is and what we can do to try to help her learn and grow.

My faith seems to be tested these last 7 years. Through these trials, I have grown closer to my Savior & to my family. I have never been one to ask for help in the past. I am a very independent person. But I have learned, I cannot do this alone. I struggle, I hurt, I cry, I break. Most days I wonder how I’ve made it through. It’s exhausting, stressful & frustrating, all while being some of the best things they have happened to me. These girls are my life. I won’t give up. Though our lives will never get easier, we will learn how to live this lifestyle. It’s hard to ask for help…. but I’m grateful I have a few people out there who will do anything for us. Who truly understand how hard this is. Who don’t just blow off our struggles and think these things are “no big deal.”

Life is about learning and growing. Making friends along the journey. Learning to love. Gaining strength and a testimony of what we believe in. Not judging other, but instead helping them through their struggles as well.

Life is hard, but life is great!

The Holidays Are Coming

Sometimes I feel more often than not like giving up. Life is hard, admit it. I don’t have a whole lot of say with what happens around here.

The military owns my husband and can change anything they want on us at any given moment. They change his work schedule left and right like nothing matters. There are a lot of perks to being a military family, but not everything is always great and dandy like many people think. It’s definitely a difficult/different lifestyle to get used to.

My girls run my life right now. Both with SO many needs. It’s truly incredible to sit back and count how many issues we’ve got going on…. but it’s best to just keep on going rather than stop to think sometimes. Between my two girls, I spend countless hours weekly at doctors appointments. Countless hours stressing about them, about what’s next. Sometimes wondering if they’ll ever catch a break. Most days, I try not to complain, Because I have two absolutely beautiful miracle children who have defied so many odds. But, it is hard to always try to be the strong one, the one that never cries, the one that nobody truly knows what is happening to them. I break, I’m human, I’m not perfect. Humans are meant to break. It is extremely difficult, stressful, and exhausting to care for my little girls. Sometimes I just wish i could have a tiny break. Not even from them, but from the difficulties.

More often than not lately, I realize how much we are here to help each other through this life. Through our ups and downs. Lately I’ve been trying to help others, like is taught in the LDS gospel. To sacrifice and serve others to bring happiness to others and ourselves. “Forget yourselves, and go to work” runs through my mind often. There are many times when I serve others that I forget about my own problems. My own hardships. There is so much truth to that principle. Lately I’ve been trying to find a balance between what I have to give and what I need in return. It’s difficult to find somebody to talk to, who truly understands what you’re going through. To find somebody who really cares. And when I feel all alone, away from family, in a state where I know hardly anybody, it is difficult. I tend to build up inside, and then have days, like today… where I finally break when I have a minute of quiet once the girls are finally asleep (for now). Quiet is not always good for me. I have extremely bad depression and anxiety. Giving my mind any bit of time to slow down and think can tear me to pieces at times. I try to stay busy, and usually I am. I’m busy from the moment I get up, until after midnight working my business once the girls are in bed.

You know when you just need a shoulder to cry on, to lean on…. and you don’t have one right there? It’s rough. It really is. I’m learning more and more about the one shoulder I ALWAYS have to lean on. And that is my Saviors. He is always here for me, and will never leave my side. Friends will come and go. Family will be here, but distant. But my Savior Jesus Christ will always be my shoulder to lean on. He will always reach his hand out to drag me away from drowning when I get on my knees and pray for his help.

With the holidays coming so soon, I hurt. I miss family. I miss tradition. I miss the snow. I somehow have to put a good front on for my girls. To set an example of what the true meaning of Christmas is. Yes, the traditions and excitement are absolutely wonderful. But when we take the time to focus on what Christmas is all about, we can be distracted from the pains of what we are missing, and be grateful for what we have, and the birth of our Savior.

Try to remember the true meaning of Christmas this year. Whether you’re home alone during the holidays, or out having parties. Take a moment, read about the birth of our Savior and remember his life. Say your prayers, lean on him, and find true happiness!

Those Days…

You know those days where you just need to talk? Those days when you need to cry? Those days when you just want to burst with excitement? Those days when you wish others just knew what was going on? Those days you want to brag about your kiddos? Those days you just feel grateful? Those days you are scared, anxious depressed, or lonely? Those days you just don’t know what to cook for dinner? Those days you feel like giving up? Those days you feel proud of all you’ve accomplished?

Well, we all have them. And I feel that when we share our experiences with others, the good and the bad, that we can help each other through this life.

Have you ever wondered what the life of a military spouse is really like? The life of a mother? The life of a woman with struggles? The life of a family with blessings and miracles? The life of a mother of children with special needs? The life of owning a small business?

Welcome to my life! You will learn things about me that I never thought I’d share publicly. You will share my joys, my failures, my experiences, my struggles & my blessings with me!

There have been so many things I have been through where I just wish there was somebody who could have told me exactly what it would be like. I’m not here to do that for you, but I’m here to share our life so when or if you may experience the same things as us, you will not feel alone. You can find answers. You may be able to feel prepared.

I may not have a story line or specific reason to my posts, but I hope to be able to help others along the way!

Stay tuned for more about My Life In Peaches! ☺️